Well, it's been a little bit since I've written anything...I got hit by an emotional curve ball that I truly wasn't expecting and have needed to work through it in my mind.
So what happened? The last of my four children moved out, my 22 year old daughter. She has a good job and has been looking for the right apartment for some time. I've been really excited for her! So why did I fall apart when she left? I really didn't expect to feel sad at all...but I was heartbroken.
I guess it's because a phase of my life is now truly over. I liked having four kids; when they were young the house was always full with them and their friends, running amuck and staying the night on weekends. We went to the river, camping in the mountains, and so much more. I have so many memories that I cherish. But like a lot of parents, I wish I'd done some things differently. I especially wish that I'd walked with the Lord the whole time I was raising them. I was faithful when they were young but after my divorce I drifted away. The church we'd loved so much moved to the other side of town and they actually made a rule that children had to go to children's church. At the time I was working two jobs and I treasured every minute with them. They were well behaved and not disruptive. I should have sought out another church, but I just stopped going. Oh, I regret that.
But that season of my life is over, and the next one beginning. When school lets out for the summer my eldest granddaughter who is seven, will be coming to stay with me for the summer. I can't wait! As the others get older I look forward to having them come too.
But you know what will never change again?
My love and commitment to my Lord and Savior. At times like this I have Him to cling to. He is my rock. When I'm afraid, when I'm sad, when I'm feeling lost, He is always there. As I've cried, I've felt His loving arms around me. His love and compassion is priceless.
One thing I'll never be is alone.
Father, I thank you for blessing me with the children you gave me. Help me to be the mother that they need me to be, and let my life reflect Your perfect love. Please give me the strength and wisdom that they need to see and hear. Thank you for always being there for me and for all Your children.
In Jesus' name, amen.